Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by Clevelandmo, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. Clevelandmo

    Clevelandmo Active Member

    Sep 13, 2007
    My son becomes a teenager tomorrow.

    My father-in-law tells me that even though they act the opposite, teenagers need a hug, love and support more than any other time in their lives. I plan to keep that advice in mind, but would love to hear the advice of ohers.
  2. HatterDon

    HatterDon Moderator

    Mar 18, 2006
    Peoples Republic of South Texas
    Teenagers are the very best example of the human race extant. They believe that all things are possible. They are more accepting of the habits and preferences of their friends than are their parents. They are incredibly giving of themselves in time and talent. I used to enjoy the company of 150 teenagers a day five days a week, and my life had never been that rich before.

    I concur with the love, hug, and support advice. I've found that the most important thing for a teenager is to hear something positive from an adult every day -- not mindless praise, but affection or respect or even asking him for an opinion. A warning, though: nobody has a better lie detector than a teenager, so if you're going to be positive every day, you're going to have to mean it. And I hope you're not the only adult to do so. When I began to teach high school a veteran told me never to hesitate to say something positive to a male student. I might be the ONLY male adult to do so that week.

    Welcome to the adventure. I like your choice of 13th birthday present, by the way. You're a class act.
  3. Jensers

    Jensers New Member

    Apr 18, 2007
    Royal City, Wa
    I dont have kids that are teens, but I teach and coach teens, and for many of them I enjoy waiting for that moment where they stop being an idiot and turn into a blooming adult.

    Usually between 16 and 17, but some seem to never get there.
  4. JP-STL

    JP-STL New Member

    Mar 17, 2008
    I don't disagree with anything Hatter and Jenser said, but the relationship of a coach or teacher or mentor is VERY different from that of parent. It is voluntary and temporary. Teens can be much more accepting of advice and guidance from a non-parent...or at least it can seem that way. As a parent, this can be very frustrating (and threatening). On the other hand, we parents probably don't thank guys like Jenser and Hatter enough for their mentoring of our sons.

    Teens need to come into their own and begin establishing their independence. For many (one of my sons, in particular), this means putting emotional distance between themselves and their parents...in short, rebellion. When my oldest son was 14-15, he became sullen and condescending towards us. He knew it all, and his mom and I were idiots. He was convinced he could take care of himself and didn't need us.

    But if that happens to you, Mo, don't despair. That son of mine is almost 18 now, and he's "come around." We have a pretty good relationship now, and he's doing quite well. He has nice friends, who spend a lot of time at our house. But when he was 14-15, we were pulling our hair out, and going to counseling.

    Mark Twain said (quoting approximately) "When I was 16, I couldn't believe how stupid my old man was. I was amazed at how much he'd learned by the time I was 22."

    My second son is now 13, but he hasn't gone through a rebellious stage...yet. I don't think he will, but we're still holding our breath.
  5. pettyfog

    pettyfog Well-Known Member

    Jan 4, 2005
    Ah... navel gazing stuff! He's absolutely right.

    Now comes the time of the big switch. The teen male has seen his father as the role model to that time. NOW he's increasingly going to rebel.. against whom.. the household male.

    But now, more than ever in his subconscious mind, he's not going to want to disappoint his mother.
    So it is dad who lays down the hard and fast practical rules..from which sonny will take every liberty granted and -at least- ten percent more. But advice given by mom will be considered as a living philosophy.

    My mom's advice:
    You have to set a course to SOMEWHERE.
    Quit thinking about it and DO
    Dont date someone you wouldnt marry.
    - OF COURSE I didnt always follow it, but I didnt forget about it either.

    She never contradicted dad's rules, but also never acted the disciplinarian, that was his role.

    And my siblings ALSO turned out pretty well. Far exceed the optimum in family relationships; eg Divorce stats.

    I didnt act the perfect role model as father, lotsa times I sucked at it, but my kids aint in jail, either.
    I credit Mrs pf.

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