Fulham @ Hull

well, I held off until about 8 last night to watch the match "live" and I was pretty much disgusted. A couple of things before I go through the agony of the man-for-man rating -- and you'll see some of my lowest of the season.

1. Jozy Altidore looked brilliant. He looked strong, confident, aggressive, committed. The announcers said that Dowie [a physical center forward in his playing days] had been doing some individual coaching with him, and boy the effect that management working with you can have. If he can play like that for his last seven matches, I'm going to feel a lot better about South Africa.

2. Due to "the bug" or whatever seems to be bedevilling the likes of Elm and Zamora lately, many on this board got to see their fondest hope -- that is, some of the "fringe players in the squad getting a chance to play." Well, aside from seeing the most left-footed right back in history in Nicky Shorey and another demonstration of why our best centre-back pairing is H & H, we also got to see what -- I FERVENTLY HOPE -- is the last ever starting assignment for Dikgachoi and Riise. Oh, and if we'd have had Zamora and Gera up front instead of Dempsey and Gera we'd have won the match 2-3. On to the ratings.

Mark Schwarzer -- after watching two goals go by him at White Hart Lane in mid-week, Tha Big Aussie showed himself capable of duplicating his cup form in the league by watching Fagin's goal drift over his head. He did turn and make a move for it after it had crossed the line, though, so it wasn't a problem in seeing nearly as much as it was in recognizing. He's only played three poor matches this season that I can remember, but two of them have occurred this week. -- 5

Nicky Shorey -- He tried his darndest, but he didn't look 1/10th the RB that Chris Baird is, nor half the RB that Kelly is. Those of you who watched the entire match, actually saw him touch the ball with his right foot about the 82nd minute. He was matches on the flank by his mirror, Riise, who only uses his LEFT foot to stand upon. Shorey did, however, have a creditable match on defense, so he earns a 6

Chris Smalling is a young kid and you expect that a veteran forward might work him like a 12-piece puzzle, but to get done by a guy about the same age as you is kind of embarrassing. Some day Chris is going to captain United and England, and when he does he's going to have the power to erase this entire 90 minutes from his career highlight reel. It was interesting to see him go forward on dead ball situations. It allowed us to discover that he was even less effective on attack than in defense. -- 4

Brede Hangeland -- The Big Boy was one of only two players who excelled on the day. I have no doubt that had he sat instead of Hughes, then Aaron would have been one of those two. He was dominant in the air, showed great positional sense, and essentially turned Altidore into a left winger. -- 8

Paul Konchesky. I'm not sure what happened here. Paul had little to do defensively on the day, but contributed very little to the attack. The team as a team was in a funk, and The Alien seemed comfortable in adjusting his game to that level. --5

Bjorn Helge Riise showed once again that he is the midfield version of Erik Nevland. He has some utility running at tired defenses after coming on as a sub late in matches, but match-long exposure reveals that, to quote Gertrude Stein, "there is no THERE there." I went to sleep last night replaying the two occasions when he found himself free in Hull's penalty area and, instead of making a decent cross WITH HIS ONLY GOOD FOOT, tamely nudged the ball out with his bloody toe. His was one of two incredibly dismal performances on the day. 2

The Evidence -- and here comes the other. Many on this site and others have complained that Dickson Etuhu seldom ventures upfield and that Dikgachoi would be a refreshing change. This proved to be true, as the South African surrendered possession equally all over the pitch. And for those who hoped he'd be more aggressive in attack than Dickson, I can report that his longest, most accurate pass to a teammate began [while he was under no apparent pressure] about 10 yards into the Hull half of the field and ended at the toe of Mark Schwarzer. He fouled continuously and needlessly and gave up the ball repeatedly. Hodgson NEVER subs before 70 minutes unless there's an injury, but The Evidence's ass was off the field in minute 53. 1.5

Chris Baird had a workmanlike performance in the midfield. He gave away little, but created even less. Since he wasn't egregiously bad, he gets a 5.5

Simon Davies did a powerful amount of running to, pretty much, no effect. Because there was so little demanded of him defensively, he spent some time on the left wing making a few good passes to the attack -- those passes generally being received and subsequently wasted by Clint Dempsey. 6

Zoltan Gera -- Like the Houston Norwegian, the Hungarian Brummie was one of two starters to play an excellent game. He was constantly dangerous, quick and incisive, and could easily have scored two goals and assisted on two others. The surprisingly effective Hull CB pair had their hands full with him all day. When Riise was pulled for Okaka, Gera drifted back to the right wing and played creditibly there. Like Hangeland, the much-maligned Gera gets an 8

And what does one say about our Deuce? Okay, how about this? Instead of Zamora's game of strength, determination, and decisiveness, Dempsey was the place where Fulham's attack went to die. When he dropped back to the center circle and deeper, he was effective in getting the ball from Baird or Hangeland and moving out into one or the other wing, but at the edge of the penalty area with his back to the goal, he surrendered more than a regiment of French soldiers. I can't count the number of times that a pass to Dempsey resulted into a cheeky flip TO A HULL DEFENDER. I may be alone in this, but I can't think of a worse Dempsey performance in this or last season. 4

It's not fair to rate the subs. Since both were so far superior to the players they replaced, I'd come up with something like a rating of 27.85, but:

Okaka, as he has done in the past, worried the Hull defense. He was a ball magnet, and actually attempted to break free from the back four when covered -- as opposed to executing an eye-catching flick to an opponent. He almost duplicated his last goal for Roma with a back heel about 8 feet from the goal line. As happened twice with Gera, what should have been a fine goal was cleared off the line. Here's the thing that yesterday's match showed me: When Zamora isn't fit to play, start Okaka, NOT ELM, NOT DEMPSEY, OKAKA

When Greening came in for Dikgacoi, Fulham's midfield -- for the very first time -- looked competent and supportive of the attack. He buzzed around the field and kept possesion [so Dempsey could have the honor of surrendering it]. Note: when Murphy isn't fit to play, Start Greening, NOT THE EVIDENCE, NOT BAIRD, GREENING!

So we dropped three points against the worst team in the league and gave them their first clean sheet this season. All it cost us was a drop in league position from 10th to 12th. On the bright side, now we have three easy away matches to pick up points from: Arsenal, Liverpool, and Everton. We could achieve an FA Cup quarter final, historic Europa League performances, and still get our worst ever points total away from the Cottage in our Premier League history. Whooooooie

If you can't tell, I'm disgusted.

 

You didn't think he was a significant improvement over Riise? Cause that's basically what I said.