Reality slapped me in the face

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by HatterDon, Aug 23, 2018.

  1. HatterDon

    HatterDon Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Location:
    Peoples Republic of South Texas
    Old timers to this site will remember my signature including a website and Facebook page for The Tim and Bob Show. Somewhere on this site is a loooooong thread promoting T&BS CD Take It Outside. The band consisted of my, my wife Hatter Mom, and another couple -- Steve and Kathy.

    The band broke up a few years back, but we keep getting called back periodically for a "special appearance." We were scheduled at church for the last Sunday in September. Our monthy theme is "love." We were going to do two duets and one of our most requested 4-parters -- "My Girl." Last night, I was over playing some stuff with Steve when Kathy walked in and helped me get a vocal straight for a song I was developing for my solo act. She was quick and funny and pitch perfect -- as usual.

    While I've had my heart adventures, and ML has had problems in several areas, and Steve has murderous llergies every year, Kathy has always been relentlessly healthy. She is NEVER sick and is always moving -- until this morning.

    This morning she complained to Steve that she didn't feel well. Within an hour she was dead. She was the youngest of the four and absolutely nobody saw this coming. Those of us of a certain age begin preparing for the worse gradually -- especially when one of us is very ill. Steve never had this opportunity and is shattered beyond description. One of Kathy's daughters is about a month from childbirth. We took them some food and did a lot of hugging, but some things can't be fixed.

    Forgive me for this, but Kathy and Steve are family and so are you guys. If you're one of the eight or so people who bought my solo CD, Kathy is the one doing the hysterical description of the surgery in the "Knee Replacement Blues." She also sings the end of "Other Peoples Children."

    Good bye my wonderful friend. It's been great to know you.

    Thanks for letting me ramble on. Back to football.
     
    #1
  2. MicahMan

    MicahMan Administrator

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2014
    I'm so sorry Don that you've lost a friend and fellow musician. Kathy sounds like she was an incredible spirit who was a positive force for all around her. People like that are a huge blessing in our lives, but are always missed the most when they are gone. Thank you for sharing a few of your memories of her.
     
    #2
  3. dcheather

    dcheather Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2005
    I'm very sad to hear you lost a good friend Hatter. I echo Micah's condolences, she sounds like a wonderful, kind soul that will be very much missed. My deepest sympathies to her family and friends.
     
    #3
  4. SoCalJoe

    SoCalJoe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Location:
    Walnut, CA
    Truly heartbreaking, deepest condolences to you, HatterMom and her family. Can’t even imagine what her husband and kids are going through. Just hope for strength and peace w/a grandchild so close to arriving.
     
    #4
  5. HatterDon

    HatterDon Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Location:
    Peoples Republic of South Texas
    thanks folks ... we're a good family here
     
    #5
  6. astroevan

    astroevan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2013
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Damn. I hate getting old (and I'm not even close myself yet).

    Sorry for your loss Don. I send my condolences and hope that you all find comfort in good memories.
     
    #6
  7. BarryWhite

    BarryWhite Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2011
    Location:
    Newburgh, IN
    Condolences for the loss of your friend Don.
     
    #7
  8. jumpkutz

    jumpkutz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2011
    Location:
    Louisville, KY
    I am truly sorry for your loss Don. Great friends ARE family, and the hurt is just as deep. God’s peace to you and her family and friends in the difficult days ahead.
     
    #8
  9. HatterDon

    HatterDon Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Location:
    Peoples Republic of South Texas
    And time for a follow up. Life goes on, as it always does. I decided that the best way I could cope with the loss of my friend was to be there for her husband Steve. After telling me quietly on day one that he couldn't imagine ever playing music again, I said that if and when he changed his mind, I'd be there. Well, first he asked me to consider filling in for four winery commitements in October and I said I would. We began practicing together and each time we did Steve got more into it. Now we're talking about gigging going forward and getting a web page and like that. We're doing our first "new" material in more than five years.

    He still shatters at the memory of the things they accomplished together, but he recovers more quickly. He's taking Kathy's place in the babysitting department, and there's now another grandchild. His daughters have been amazing in how they've helped them. Hatter Mom and I do what we can as well.

    So, life goes on. We're playing music together and I'm doing my solo work. Where Steve crumbles at a memory of Kathy, I go from disbelief to anger rapidly. I keep most of my rage inside, but I haven't yet accepted the reality that we could all be deprived of this wonderful person -- friend, daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, actor, singer -- in just a few minutes in SOMEBODY's moment of caprice. And then I go and pick up my guitar and play music with my friend.

    Oh, we DID go ahead and play at church last Sunday. Somehow Steve managed -- hell, he brought the house down. If you're a Facebook friend of mine, you can see our "surprise" postlude -- not exactly churchy, but a truly cathartic moment.

    Life does, indeed, go on. Thank you all so much for your care and concern. I just wish you could have met Kathy.
     
    #9
    sacffc, MicahMan and SoCalJoe like this.
  10. jumpkutz

    jumpkutz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2011
    Location:
    Louisville, KY
    Condolences Don. When you do get to "a certain age" you become more aware of the end of this life. But to have it happen suddenly, without warning, seems even more unfair. God's peace to you and all who knew and loved her in these most difficult of days.
     
    #10
    SoCalJoe likes this.
  11. dtowndough

    dtowndough Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2011
    HD, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being there for your friend and giving him another person to rely on. The world needs more HD's in it.
     
    #11
    encorespanish and SoCalJoe like this.
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