Joke Thread

Posted on FFC MB by: marbella white
Date: 10 Aug 2006 14:32:00

 

Nice one Petty! I like that.

 

As opposed to me, who would have thought of the relative ruminatory physiology and actually offered an opinion.

BTW, should have been sheep, not deer, for the 'pellets'.

Deer eat shoots and twigs, not much grass...

I know my sh!t!

 

Re: RE: Joke Thread

Or Giraffes. And they have a 4 chambered stomach.

 

RE: Re: RE: Joke Thread

will the new short sleeve home shirts have thumb hole's?
:3d laughing:

 

RE: Re: RE: Joke Thread

Yes, they will have thumbholes, but where? (Not in the sleeves!) :lol:

 

the new flight attendant drill.

'the only people flying to the middle east at the moment are terrorist's.'
'will you be sitting in armed or unarmed'
'in case of a cabin seizure, a small gun will fall the over head hanger.'
run to the front of plane and claim it in the name of Allah'

robin williams-live at the met

 

Well, some of my favorite jokes aren't suitable to be posted on a forum, so here are a few jokes I've heard that are so bad they're almost funny:

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It was driving down the road, then turned into a field.


A guy goes to see a doctor and says "Doctor doctor, sometimes I feel like an teepee, sometimes I feel like a igloo." Doctor says "oh that's easy, you're too tents (tense)."


A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you." grasshopper says "you have a drink named Steve?"

 

"Take my wife...Please."

{BTW, that's not a joke contribution.. it's a reference to the probable source of the quoted}

Henny Youngman, for you youngsters

 

I heard that Heather Mills-Macartny was divorcing her Husband Paul, when asked by her attorney how much she wanted from the divoced she replied 500 million pounds, her attoney replied you gotta be kidding me I dont think youv'e got a leg to stand on.

 

What time is it when you go see the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

If a tux is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.

Yup, I have young nephews and nieces.

 

Chelsea joke

Posted on FFCMB by Ivor's tache, 17 Aug 2006 11:58:00

 

RE: Chelsea joke

I like that Petty! Nice one!

 

RE: Chelsea joke

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.
I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?'. 'I'd like to stay here' 'Ok. Stay there'.

I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

 

RE: Chelsea joke

Here are some more for ya Don ! GO SPURS !...er basketball spurs !

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy an ice-cream' He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'your round.' The Other one says 'so are you, you fat bastard'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

'I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs.... but she's good with the kids...'