Soccer Saturday and emotional parents

Ok, today I confronted my daughters soccer coach about her playing time. I did something I never imagined I would have but basically told her that she was only concerned with winning and 15 minutes of playing time each of the last two games while other players were playing the whole game wasn't fair.

I believe the coach cares more about winning than she thinks but it got quite heated. I felt like an ass afterwards for not handling in a more tactful way, which I am fully capable of, but I let the my emotions get the best of me and was verbally aggressive, nothing foul, but aggressive.

Some dude even came up and bumped me but backed off.

Anyone have the same experience but didn't say anything or have had a parent do what I did while you were coaching?

I need some therapy. I feel bad about my approach, but not my point.

 

The only time I had a parent accuse me of caring about winning they were absolutely correct. I had a parent yell at me for not selecting their son to an all-star baseball team. I was told that he played the regular season just like all the other boys that were selected and I had no right to cut him form the all-star team. They asked me how he was supposed to get any better if I did not allow him to be on the all-star team so he could play and practice more to which I politely told them that I was only allowed 12 boys on the roster and suggested that perhaps he could play in the back yard with his parents. This of course only made them madder than they were to begin with and I was reported to the league president for refusing to allow equal playing time to a league player.

Of course these parents were just plain mental and I have no idea if you were being mental today or not. Is this a rec league? How old is your daughter? How long are the games?

From one parent to another, as bad as you feel about your behavior today your daughter may feel worse if she saw what happened. Since you have already said you feel bad about your approach I would consider pulling your daughter aside and apologizing to her for what you yourself feel was a poor approach to handling the situation if you have not already done so. Just to plainly state it I am not jumping on you just suggesting something that has been helpful in dealing with my own mistakes.

 

Good advice. It is a city rec league similiar to AYSO, under 10 girls, she's 8, games are about 60 minutes. She is playing my daughter the least amount on the team. She did say she would address it moving forward and we did walk away civil. Best thing that happened I guess.

Coach is super competitive and has a reputation as such. Gets results and all but.......

 

I'd say your point is correct. At that age, it should be more about spreading the playing time to all of the players than winning.

That said, if you feel bad about it then rethink your approach. You get more flies with honey...or something like that. If you start off accusatory, you force the other person to the defensive, and make getting your point across that much more difficult. Whereas if you express a logical, well reasoned concern and provide a benefit to her doing it (player development, fairness, whatever) your point will be better received. Generally speaking, of course.

 

RR, I've never said anything when I was unhappy with a coach (except when the coach is my husband but he always forgives me due to my ignorance) and in the end I have always been happy with that choice once my senses return. However, I do feel you are in the right.

It is a rec league and the girls are only 8 and 9 years old. I assume you pay something for your daughter to be in this league and I assume you pay the same as everyone else. The purpose of these leagues is for all the kids, not just some, to learn soccer. A coach who only wants to win really should be coaching somewhere else.

My son's (8 and 11) both play in a competitve league (i.e. not recreational) and even at that level, all the kids get pretty much equal playing time and they usually get to play several positions. For the most part, the other teams that we play do the same thing. Some would argue that's a mistake for a competitive league, but that's another conversation. My point is that if competitive teams give equal playing time at the youth level then for me it's a no-brainer that it should be the practice for a rec league. I guess this could be more complicated if your community doesnt offer a competitive league at this age, but even then I would say the better players can benefit from playing with weaker players (not saying your daughter is one BTW) because they may try things that they would otherwise be afraid to try.

Your league should have a policy regarding this issue which you can site and claim as one of the reasons you signed your daughter up. If it has no such policy then that is a contribution that you could make.

I have also seen that the parents who complain get what they want so the issue will most likely be addressed.

Finally, if you are still feeling bad about it, apologize to your daughter (if she saw it like Barry P said) and apologize to the coach for not expressing your point in a more civil manner (if that indeed was the case). I'm sure this coach has confronted this before if he/she has a rep.

 

I like the "play with your kid in the backyard" retort. If only more parents would.........

 

In terms of backyard stuff, I had my daughter kicking goals, and son, all spring and summer, 30 a day. They did not miss a day, if they did, they doubled up the next day. I need some more drills, can you help as I am not a soccer player. I am thinking cones and dribbling. Passing etc..

I did apologize to my daughter last night, thanks to Barry's suggestion, she seems to be oblivious to my discussions with her coach. Felt better.

My daughter is definately one of the weakest players, so I get and accept she will not be getting the most playing time. I believe if she continues to work hard on her game next year she will be one of the older players and we get more time. I'm old school that way.

Thanks folks. I feel better. I didn't want to go the league and be one of those parents. I'm glad I got it off my chest but wished I could have been more "honey-like".

 

Ah... that last post says it all.
We've all been there, done that one way or the other.

I've been that parent, I've been that coach.

If you express the same attitude -as well as stressing what YOU are doing- with that coach when you make amends, your daughter will most likely get that chance next year.

Aside: I had a parent come up to me with the same complaint when I coached indoor coed five-a-side, he complained his boy wasnt getting as much playing time as my own boy was.
I said "Fine... I'm sorry.. I thought 'Darrel' didnt want to play in goal. I'll put him in goal next chance I get."

{parent stomps off..

I must note the keeper was allowed to go on attack and actually score but had to get one of the backs to cover, first.}

 

4 Corners - Set up a box (you can use half of a field or go smaller with cones). 4 players go to separate corners. Kick the ball out in the middle somewhere, then blow your whistle. A player must possess the ball for 5-10 seconds before they must kick it back to you. Once they do it, they sit and a new player comes in with the other three for the next round.

2 Shots - Players line up at midfield. A goalie is necessary. Cross the ball just inside the box on the ground, and that player must one-time their shot of the moving ball into the goal. If they score on that shot, you then toss a ball in the air a little closer to goal, and the player must head or volley into the goal.

 

Here are a few coaching plans that I have used and adapted from:

Coaching Plans

Most of the dribbling plans can be modified for the back yard. Whatever you do remember to keep it fun. Turn drills into games that you can play with your kids. Set simple goals for them to reach that motivate them to practice on their own with fun rewards for making the goals.