NYT 'a go-go!

pettyfog · May 15, 2009

Small Family Firm Falls on Hard Times While Running with Scissors

New York, N.Y. - Like the corpses that lazily bob along in the nearby East River, life obeys its own pace in this isolated island community of 8 million in southern New York State.

It is an ancient pace, its cadence dictated by the steady whirr and click-a-clack of word processors, plied by the gnarled hands of skilled opinion craftsmen who once supplied nearly eighty percent of the world's refined punditry output.

To some ears, the din from the mighty opinion mills of this gritty Ink Belt town may be grating; but it has served as a siren call for generations of hungry immigrant OpEd workers.

Each year they come here, from Cambridge and Ithaca and New Haven, young and eager social critics seeking nothing more than an honest day's wage for an honest day's condescension, and perhaps a decent squab pate in white wine reduction.

For the newest generation of polemic workers, though, the promise of that simple Anti-American Dream seems ever more distant. Most of the mills have long fallen silent, tragic victims of cheap foreign radio talk shows and the growing monopoly of multinational corporate blogs.

Now, even the grandest of the old mills - the venerated New York Times 43rd Street Opinion Works - stands at risk. A recent spate of quality control problems, product recalls, management turmoil and a painful round of layoffs is leading many here to worry if the plant is destined to go the way of automats, five cent Cokes and international socialism.
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Pf note: If you seldom or never read NYT, that wont be funny. If you do, then read Iowahawk's whole enchilada.....

pettyfog · May 15, 2009

NRTN News:
GOP Policies lead to House intern's scissors death.

In oddly un-related news, an intern for House Majority leader, Nancy Pelosi died tragically while running down the hall, scissors in hand, outside her office.

The Democratic Leader had been in an emergency session with her staff the night before when a senior aide quipped that playing the blame game on the torture question 'was like running with scissors'.

"Nonsense," Pelosi replied. "I often run with scissors. That's an old wives' tale"
When a quorum of aides cautioned that it nonetheless was not a thing to put to the test, Pelosi became more adamant. The next day she handed a pair of shears to junior intern Betsy McReady, 22, of Arlington and instructed her to run to the elevators and back. On the return lap, the aide slipped in a small puddle from a leaking sprinkler and did a full one and a half backflip, stabbing herself in the process.

District Coroner, AJ Noonan said that the deadly wound was a fluke, the initial impact of the scissors point was just below the right clavicle, which would have been serious but not life-threatening, but the scissor glanced off an Obama button and severed the intern's carotid artery. Close friend and co-worker, Janey McWhorter said the circumstance was even more ironic in that McReady had normally worn her Obama button on the left but moved it when she added a "Save the Baby Walrus" button to her ensemble.

In a prepared statement, Pelosi slammed the Bush administration and the previous Republican majority leader for the tragic death.

"I've been on record for years about the dangerous conditions we see here. I complained to both Tom Delay and Bob Ney and nothing was ever done about it."
When asked why she didnt see to infrastructure repairs once she assumed the majority, she replied, testily:

"I was too busy rooting out the corruption of twelve years of GOP control and repairing the nation's image which Bush so badly damaged. Now we see yet another life needlessly wasted and all for Bush, Cheney and their Oil-hungry buddies!"
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NYT 'a go-go!

pettyfog Well-Known Member

pettyfog Well-Known Member

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NYT 'a go-go!

pettyfog Well-Known Member

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